they don't love you like i love you

i want to know what it would be like to find an infinite love.
its like that unbelievable feeling that shakes you down to your core. that feeling of knowing that when you breath this person in. when you can smell them all around you and you can feel the sensation of their touch. when you feel like in this moment you could die in their arms and be happy. this insatiable overwhelming need to have their touch. that warm feeling you get in the presence of their smile. I want to be this amazing woman that can give you everything you need. i want to make all these fantasies come true that i used to hope for so long ago that i would be able to find my modern prince charming, hoping he would fullfill my every dream of a love never being too taboo to be unheard of. so here is to hoping and believing in the faith i have that love has found me for the first time all over again.

an ode to the modern prince charming

I have found that the idea of chivalry has become this ghost that people seem to remember but don't see much of anymore. Its interesting the way people say that chivalry is dead but i have a hard time believing that the coffin is completely in the ground. I have never given up my hope on the idea of love whether it has given up on me or not. I like fantasizing about the idea that somewhere out there is a soul mate made for me. whether it be now or later he's around here somewhere. its almost as the ancient greeks used to believe that our soul mates were once attached to us and having been taken from us we would spend the rest of our lives searching far and wide for them.

I always wanted that undeniable feeling of being swept off my feet. that intense love that always has you yearning for more. that intense wreckless love that makes you believe you could not live without that significant other in your life which is why they have that title of significant other, that it makes sense to you why Juliet couldn't bare the thought of living with her Romeo. Where it is depressing that it ended with death but optimistic that it ended with a love that would let them live on forever in some kind of afterlife.

i told him "you guys always start off this way and then a year or two later all goes down hill". I know it hurt him to say out loud but i believe it to be true. Not to say i don't have hope that it wont and i know it is the reason for holding myself back from time to time, but i can't just give up on the idea that this could all be the same cycle i always seem to get myself caught up in. Yet i believe that heartbreak or not, hurtful or joyous, its just another marker in the road to something i'm completely hopeful for. and if this ends up to be what i've been hoping for then i do believe it is even better.


so here is to the chivalry that makes it presence known in a dying breed.