something

i keep letting things get to me and my old friend tells me that letting it go is something i'm so good at and he knows i can do it yet again. but its hard to get my mind to be itself when its in this vulnerable state it isn't used to. its like a foreign land of insecurities when there is no need to have any. and i'm pushing through these adversities by myself. yet i'm not by myself but with her gone i keep feeling like i'm losing all by myself. and i can let this go because deep down i know i should because we both got what we wanted and it only makes sense to keep it at that now. so i'm going to stop because i should and you're not going to start because i know you. you might not think so but i know you. and there is this conscience that wants to find him just to see how he's doing because deep down i cared for him like a close friend and wondering how his well being is, is something i had done for a while and now i have to let it all go because he isn't over it and its only better that i let it go. but i just can't. but i have to and so i will. so here i go one day at a time like everyone says like its something so easy, and i want to live this life and just start all over again because that would make it so much easier and so i will. and so i'll move on past all of this because i should. and there will always be someone else and when the day comes that there isn't i'll be satisfied knowing all of this will be gone. so here i go starting over hoping that the day paris comes isn't so far away and in the grip of hands reach

chasing pavements

all is fair in love and war and this is a revolution.
-fred astaire

I can't help but think how positively accurate that is. i have all these words in my head from she said she said he said he said she said she said, and i all i can think of now is that i just don't care to listen anymore. i just don't care to find out what everyone else has to say or what everyone else has to think about the situation because the only things it leads to is unhappiness when i was happy being naive and although heartbreak could be in the distance or near future, at least i was happy while i was on my way there. i don't want to live this life thinking that there has to be some significant person there for me because every time i start to think i could be amazed i only seem to be disappointed. i have yet to find someone that truly amazes me and someone who can keep up with who i am. and although i might hold on to the idea that a psyche eros kind of love is out there for me somewhere, i would just rather live my life hoping to find someone who not only loves me but understands me and gets who i am. i know that can be unreasonable and i know that can be unheard of for me but i'm willing to find out if i could be proven wrong or right. and whether it be you or the next one that tries for my affections. at least i can say i lived and experienced a life where all is truly fair in love and war and it was indeed a revolution for my heart.

a little bit

here we are sitting across from each other with an open tab and drinking a drink listening to the beautiful sounds of the songs we love and know, learning and experiencing the conversating person you are. and i can't help but be nervous. i keep hearing the hearsay and thinking if it is possible to really be the same person you were in high school. because when i look back i know i left that person behind. and like you said, you are transitioning through new changes, and yet so am i. so am i really to believe that you are just another one and at times i do but when you express yourself through a song i can't help but think you look at it the same way i do. that the lyrics are words and they aren't vague. songs aren't vague. they tell you something. they speak to you. i can't listen to someone who might not know what they are talking about. when i'm sitting across a table from you and completely captivated in the moment. and although you might not be as captivated int he moment as me. and although this might not be a long movie. and it might not be meant to be one. i can't help but think that this happiness i feel and this good time we have is something to be considered. not blown to the other side of pre-consumed notions. because people are going to talk. and people are going to ask questions. i might not know all the answers and you might not either. but i'm ok with that as of now. and that might change and that's ok. but i know somewhere you are intrigued and can't wait to see what happens next and i'm hoping i can keep you inticed. because it might just be one day when you turn around and say "i'm a little bit in love with you"

revelry

i can't have tears for the way you undoubtedly proved me right in the ways you let me go. I can be sad about the way things went. i can be sad at the way you took it. but i'm not going to have any tears. you tell me there was change and i just couldn't see it. but all those arguments went out the door when we're sitting there and i'm still waiting for you to talk to me and you just won't. i always thought telling you if things didn't change that i would leave you would be the thing to put you in the position to do everything you could to change. but you just didn't. you really didn't. and i can't be sad at that because i told you for 6 months what the situation was and i don't know if you thought i was bluffing but you of all people should know by now that i don't bluff. and now you know and now its too late. and i understand being emotional but that doesn't mean trying to express yourself through a text message is the good way to go. since my argument was conversation and emotions and i get the most emotionless way to go about it. through a text message. so you are a little bit too late.