tell me what they know about my love

Sometimes i feel like i'm hitting the point where i don't know how much i can take of the time situation, and sometimes i feel so angry because i'm so lonely and i have all this stress that adds on to the loneliness that starts to creep up like a bad dream that won't just go away. and then i start to get angry at you for not giving me the time i need but its so torn because then it makes me feel so selfish because you hardly have time for yourself why would i want to take that away from you? but its so hard when i can divie up our time to hours. i guess i am selfish but how bad is it when i only want to spend time with you? how selfish is it to just want to spend some time? so when it comes to this loneliness i get from time to time and i start getting angry at you, you always seem to turn me around to realizing you really are doing the best you can and even for those few hours we get together

show me your love

i'm stuck between the lines of who i am now and who i was. i want to leave a mark you'll always remember while loving me all the while. i never want to feel like i'm taking one step forward and two steps back but i can't help but feel this overwhelming concern of letting myself fall too deep. i'm pushing for decent and hoping for the best, but in a circumstance that leads to believe i must lead with caution only has my sub conscience wanting to jump in. fearlessness has always been a push and pull characteristic i haven't yet been able to tame. he says he remembers the way i once was and how it made his mind mourn for the person i let myself bury. but when i was sitting there trying to remember the last two years of everything that had happened, i realized there was nothing. like my mind has convienently misplaced all that information. like it was finally doing me a favor. but i was really trying to remember and only came up with two instances and realized that i could remember anything that happened. i couldn't remember anything but his name pretty much and it almost put me in shock and relief all at the same time. how is it possible to completely forget 2 years of your life like they were just cut out and its one big blank space now? i know it was the bad years but still.

now don't get me wrong i'm completely satisfied with my new found realization of my lack of memory, but it is really unlike me and i couldn't really understand until i remembered the way he told me that i had lost who i was in the those two years. till i remembered that it was like the lion who imitated the mouse. but now i'm here trying to relocate my lion yet i still find myself holding on to these mice like characteristics that are just so damn hard to let go of. i know eventually i will.