Your wrongs don't change my rights.

When one door closes, a window opens. I want those words to be true so bad. I keep feeling like I find myself hitting a wall of unfulfilled promises. Just when things start looking up and things start looking like they have the chance to work out in such a great way, they take a twist. And why? Because I met someone. Everything was fine and going uphill when I was alone as it always go. And then love looks like a possibility and I'm back to square one.

He wanted to act like an episode of days of our lives, so I let it go and then he just starting throwing tantrums like a child. At that point I really just turned the other cheek. He noticed the obvious attraction between us and his jealousy sounded off like an alarm.

I pin pointed exactly the kind of guy he is right now. Although he is still young, the mommy issues have created him into the kind of guy that won't let himself enter a possibility of interest or any deep kind of liking so he doesn't have to show those feelings. He keeps himself at arms distance to keep some sort of control. I wanted to tell him How much I know that feeling but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So I decided to befriend him in the best possible way. I guess I just like pain. But then I decided to give him the space he wanted and after he realized what I was doing, that's when I get the hello. And I know exactly what it means. And yet I don't know what to do.

We were there in the heat, the lights, the smoke, the drinks, the loud music, and the people. Somewhere in a club in Miami he felt what love at first sight had to offer. But it was lust at first sight for me. He came over and introduced himself. We talked and we danced. Turns out he was more than I bargained for . And before I could realize where this was going, he was picking me up in his BMW from the airport. He's telling me because he's older he is tired of messing around and wants something more serious. I'm still puzzled if I want the same. I'm ready for it and although i like him, I still have too much of a wall up. He says he wants to give me everything I want and more. He wants to make me something important in his world. As soon as they words fall from his mouth, I lose too much in a span of 2 days.

I have a lot of work to make up to even think of letting him in just get. Time will tell. But like I said, I've realized I can only have either my career or love. I'm not meant to have both. And I will always choose my career.

My heart will just have to deal.

Volumes

Starting back at zero. Hoping for opportunities. I hate waiting periods. I'd rather know right now whether this path is going to start or not. But here's to hoping for the best.

You drop off the face of the earth. Text me out of no where and then freak out because I didnt respond in 3 minutes and still expect a response? Definitely not happening. Good riddance.

He tells me he can prove he's a man. He talks a lot of game expecting me to be fooled. I can understand there's a significant point of concentration. So I won't put forth the effort. But he touches me like he knows he can. He holds me like he wants. He kisses the back of my neck like he knows exactly the right spot. And although I'm not entirely impressed and already assume this is over before it even began. I still like the way he made me feel. I want to tell him to touch my skin one more time. But I know it would only be the beginning of something just like the rest. My faith has diminished significantly and I just don't have it in me to even try anymore. So when I don't get the text or the call but a like here and there and the attention when he sees me, I only smile because I just don't care.

She told me it's all new for her. She is starting over from scratch. She's asking me how to go about this kind of life and I couldn't tell her the first thing.