when it all falls down

So he asked me the meaning of it. I explained everything. The fact that through all the moments in my life. Whether they be good or bad, I've had to know myself. I've had to keep myself together because I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted out of life. This is something for me. This is my bade of honor for who I am. I don't know any better way to explain it. I have these times when my gut is telling me something is wrong. Lately, I've been feeling like there's someone else. I know it could just be an insecurity along with everything else I'm going through right now. But it just feels like there's someone else. I have no proof and no real reason to be thinking differently except for the fact that he doesn't touch me the way he used to. Its ironic that I think back to the one that loved me so much but was worse with that stuff. I would have never thought there was someone else. I always knew it was because he was tired. Which has me questioning why I might think there's someone else with him. Why can't I completely trust him? Maybe because a part of me does think that he might get scared again and do something stupid. But maybe I'm now doing something stupid thinking this because I'm scared. I'm afraid of losing him. I think because a part of me always felt like he was the one. He IS the one. I know that's why I'm so afraid of losing him, an that's because I lose just about everyone even when I have nothing to do with it. I know there's a lot on my mind and I'm kind of unraveling a little bit. But here I m writing this, needing him when I'm feeling so helpless and I still haven't heard a thing since earlier today. Especially since he knew that I had a panic attack earlier. The fact that his relationship changed overnight with no warning is probably a part of it. My heart goes out to him. I don't know how you go from planning a wedding from one night to being single the next and having to start all over. I know its possible nada I'm glad he's finally feeling better. But I know if that was me I would be devastated. I feel like I'm at a loss. I want to write about the things happening right now, but I feel like my mind is falling so deep inside of me. I feel so empty right now and I'm so sad he doesn't seem... Too busy thinking Love is a gun. There is a storm in my heart.