you

from beginning to end i keep thinking it is you. and all this is you. i'm trapped in an idea of everything we could be and i want to write i have so much to write but i don't know where to begin and i'm starting to realize with all this tragedy comes something i can grow from. so i'm trying to stop asking myself what have you dont for me lately and trying to get down to the point where it just doesn't matter anyways. so take me. stop messing around and just take me. you know we are great but you just won't take me and i can't wait here all day. i don't want to be the one singing those lyrics that its been a year and i'm still not your officialy girl. so stop messing with my heart and show me where to go from here. i'm not ready to go back and forth trying to find the ends to your side of the rope. so lets stop pretending and show me what it means to hear the truth from you. i'll drop this like its hot but i'm still going to find yuo in the background holding on to me like i left bread crumbs for you. i'm losing sight of where this all began and i'm ready to look away like i never knew you were there but something has me holding on to you because how can you deny finding what you've been looking for, for the very first time? it spooks me like i'm running from the light and you see it and i'm hoping it doesn't encourage bad behavior but there is only so much i can keep myself from realizing and i'm letting it all go now so now its your turn cuz i won't be standing here for long and i don't want to be int hat situation when someone else finally comes who wants to take me there and you finally tell me you're ready

caught inbetween

he's says its obvious that something has changed. there is something that has changed but i don't know what that could be and i know i have to ask to find out and i don't mind taking that step but its got to be osmething different when crossing the line of friends means you grabbing my face and kissing me like you've been meaning to the whole time. my mind wants to love you. but my heart says it just can't. i'm stuck inbetween you and i don't know where to go next. the rational side says going with the flow might be where i find my soul. but am i ready for you to burn me again? and is it rational to believe that you're always going to hurt me in the end? i want to be yours in such a complete way but find myself holding back even when you're trying to embrace me. i want you to hold me till i can't feel the heat anymore. but it never seems to go away when i keep trying. i keep trying. and i'm going no where. and i'm wondering if you're going to be there when i get there because if this was the good timing would you still want me? would you want me the way i wish you would? everyone keep saying they don't understand what bad timing means and i'm starting to not get it that much either. what if i was your soulmate? and you just let me go? because i'm starting to feel like i'm letting go.

for reasons unknown

my past has decided to cruelly remind me of its presence. and i loathe it. i want to be bulletproof. i want a bulletproof soul. i'm really working on it but i find myself sometimes remembering that i'm not so tough skinned as i had always hoped i had been and i'm dealing with so many trigger happy guys. but it could be not that complicated if they would just stop. here we are reminding each other that perfection is at our fingers tips if timing wasn't so badly coordinated. i'm thinking about everything i could've had with him if he would've just gotten over himself and his issues and been the one for me. i'm thinking about the idiot who doesn't have the balls to just apologize to me but has to go through her. when it was me that was wronged. i'm tired of dealing with these people who aren't worth it. they just aren't worth it. they almost aren't worth getting back for what they've done to me and i leave it all up to karma. by the hands of karma.

but i still feel so frustruated in my own right. but i know i can only dream of something different and i guess for right now that's the best that i could hope for. so i'll keep writing because this all makes for a good list of stories. but i wish somewhere, someway, somehow, someone would just give me a break. even if its just for one night. i want to have fun again with someone who really cares about me. just for one night. to at least satisfy me this one time. it might be too much to ask for. but i'll ask for it anyways.