Hold me

Sometimes I think I sink so deep within myself I forget why I'm there to begin with. I want to believe that this is where I'm supposed to be. There has been so much positive but I think it's not necessarily that I'm fearful but more that I just can't let myself be hurt in that same way again. I feel like the first month we went along just fine, we left on vacation and still kept in touch. I took you to the Mae and it was perfect. You came home and the type writer was everything. From there it just kept looking like things were on the up and up. I still feel that way, but now we're looking at 3 months and I don't know if I'm into the idea of going too far in without knowing.

"I told you I would stay"

I feel like there's an expiration date to my waiting. And although I want to give you your time to figure things out. I don't know if I can stay here on the sidelines wondering how you feel. Your actions make it so clear cut sometimes and then you turn around and stay so mute about the subject I start to think im getting ahead of myself. This never gets easier for me.


"would you always, maybe some time, make it easy? Take your time."

He texts me every day now. Every day I can expect to look at my phone at some point in the day and see a text from him. False ideas and no encouragement from my end. He wants me for whatever reason but I see right through the small talked words to know it isn't anything.

Tonight, after a couple months of seeing me and working with me he asked me on a date in this round about informal way that I don't care to go. It's like, if you don't want to hang out or seem so disinterested then don't go. It was like he didn't want to go while he was asking me to go. Oh mr. S.o.b,s you are so strange.

He might have caught my attention at first but wasn't someone memorable as I forgot about him in all capacities. He texted me today asking me on a date. I just went about my business without a thought of it.

My heart knows what it wants. But what it wants doesn't know what it wants. Le sigh. Story of my life. I have all these options and any normal person might take them. I on the other hand, just don't care. Love likes making a fool of me.