show me your love

i'm stuck between the lines of who i am now and who i was. i want to leave a mark you'll always remember while loving me all the while. i never want to feel like i'm taking one step forward and two steps back but i can't help but feel this overwhelming concern of letting myself fall too deep. i'm pushing for decent and hoping for the best, but in a circumstance that leads to believe i must lead with caution only has my sub conscience wanting to jump in. fearlessness has always been a push and pull characteristic i haven't yet been able to tame. he says he remembers the way i once was and how it made his mind mourn for the person i let myself bury. but when i was sitting there trying to remember the last two years of everything that had happened, i realized there was nothing. like my mind has convienently misplaced all that information. like it was finally doing me a favor. but i was really trying to remember and only came up with two instances and realized that i could remember anything that happened. i couldn't remember anything but his name pretty much and it almost put me in shock and relief all at the same time. how is it possible to completely forget 2 years of your life like they were just cut out and its one big blank space now? i know it was the bad years but still.

now don't get me wrong i'm completely satisfied with my new found realization of my lack of memory, but it is really unlike me and i couldn't really understand until i remembered the way he told me that i had lost who i was in the those two years. till i remembered that it was like the lion who imitated the mouse. but now i'm here trying to relocate my lion yet i still find myself holding on to these mice like characteristics that are just so damn hard to let go of. i know eventually i will.