And when I really think about it....

I can't stop thinking about you.

So much keeps unravelling the last few weeks. I feel like I'm starting and finishing things over and over again. There is so much to take care of and I'm doing that. But my heart is so foolish i wish my brain would officially put it in check. It needs tombe kicked around by my reason and straightened out by my rational, I finally dropped the ones that really didn't matter. And now am friends with them except for one, he was the child that just couldn't get it together to make things happen. It sucks because it was fun but nit worth all the grief, and in the long run it's all for the best even though it was pretty shitty and now I can't help but ignore him so that I can ignore the childish acts of a child. And yet I'm still a little surprised. It only goes to show my theory was right about the whole thing. But then again...I don't care.

He still texts me the wa he used to but in this desperate sort of way that makes me feelmbad for him. I don't know what else to say about that really. And yet there are still parts of him that I admire.


I hate the way I always find myself in these situations. I always want the one I can't have. He behaves like he wants to. He talks to me like he wants to. He looks at me like he wants to. And then he hugged me. Told me he wanted tontake men with him. I told him I was confused with wha he sometimes says andnhis actions. He told me he thinks about it all the time. That he thinks about men all the time. And he wants to so bad but there's too much going on in his head right now. And I'm too tired of that situation tonknow what to do about it. I think about him and I want him next to me. But I know that's just the makings of a fools pie I've already made myself full from. And it hurts so good. I just want to kiss him so bad. But i'll walkaway from it all to save my heart this time.