Hold on

It's funny the way she always insists on telling me I have to go through the frogs to find the prince. That there is someone out there exactly for me and he's trying to get here as fast as he can but he just hasn't gotten here and it's only a matter of time before he does. But what if I just don't care anymore?

I'm tired of even considering the possibilities. And the completely tragic thing about that is that I used to be such an optimistic person about it. I had such hope and unwiltering faith. But it took one serious heartbreak and a half a dozen knocks over the head to become a person who just doesn't care anymore. And I'm not sure how willing I am to change that at the moment.

And now working and making my career into something it should be and being a mother to kids that aren't mine have even further pushed my heart down the rabbit hole. They look at me with these eyes of longing. They have questions I can't answer because they are too young to know the truths of their situation. I can only shower them with the love I always have. And hope they remember that they were lived when they get old enough to know.

It doesn't even feel like there's something missing anymore. It's like I've stopped noticing the big hole in my chest. And I'm okay with that. I've let go of all the options that were finding themselves around me. They still try to contact me like I'm supposed to respond out of necessity. I keep dealing with needy and emotional hearts I don't have time to coddle. If my standards can't be met then I can't waste my time.

If I don't care I'm a birch and if I do care I've gone too far. So it's better to just take myself out of the equation all together at this point. Traveling, working, and living my life with this freedom is all I could possibly ask for right now. And just be happy. In fact, just be.