Smile

You'll find that life is still worth while if you just smile.

I sat there with the words in my head. He spoke and I knew how crazy I was back then. The way I made him feel. The way I made myself feel. I wish he would have just put me out of my misery and left me alone. But he always came back and I never understood why. If He always knew it wasn't me. But the way he talks about his situation at hand reminds me of the situation I had with him. The look in his face and I recognize what I didn't see then. And I can still hear her singing"when you look at my face, you know that for me it's still real". But I'm not stuck in that life anymore. In that hopelessness I felt.

Although none of it has gotten better because there is no effort in me anymore. There is no drive to change it and I just keep finding myself mixed up in the same guys over again. He said he thought he was missing out and wanted his chance. I gave him a window of opportunity but he proved himself not able to reach it. Three times. I guess that's a strike out.

He writes so eloquently. And then I turned it over to open the envelope. He had written "be inspired" on the back. And as I pulled the letter from its place, there unfolded the most incredible love letter I could've ever read. From beginning to end it had me captivated. And I re-read it about a hundred times just so I could believe someone was capable of writing something like this to me.

He told me everything I could've wanted to hear. And for years I knew this is what he wanted to ways say. But there was never a moment because I was always moving out of his reach. But he turned everything upside down and for the very first time, I saw him. And it broke my heart because 3000 miles away and we still aren't in the right place. He knows he isn't who he needs to be for me yet. But I sit here having another one bite the dust, and I wish be was.

Time is my worst enemy.