killing me softly

she gave this speech that i could have sworn was the speech that defined that moment in my life that i guess i've always wanted to hear in such a perfect rhetoric. it was like standing on the other side of the looking glass and she was so precise on every word that came from her mouth. there is this way that everything is different yet nothing has changed all at the same time. i have a whole new life full of new advetures, new people, and thusly new experiences. but there are these parts of me that can't seem to just let go and i know he's right that its that part of me that just can't forgive myself for being that girl i never wanted to be. and it was there in her speech it was there in her speech when she said that she was the one that undermindedly made him who she was and was not given the recognition and was completely forgotten for her work. it made so much sense to me and i can't help but believe she took every part of who i was and placed it there in front of me.

forgiveness is this option i need to accept and i know it will be the tonic i need to revitalize my soul. but i can't accept that i was so willing to let myself be led in such a way of control by someone else. i have always held such a firm position in my life and i let it all go. i let it all fall for love. i can't say i regret it because it was just another part of life i needed to go through and i need to just stop thinking about it and in fact i need to just stop talking about. even though it always seems to go that when i do finally stop thinking about it and totally forget about everything because i'm so wrapped up in something new, it comes back to me in dreams like my subconscience is telling me i have to forgive myself somehow or these dreams are just never going to go away, and so i find myself stopped in my track by her speech and thus sitting here typing this talking about it all over again, but i will find this forgiveness i am looking for so i can finally put my subconscience to rest.