he's got my number

I'm trying to be open to the idea of change but i don't know how much i'm willing to hold out on the idea of fixing a fixer upper. I've been to this point before where it feels like i can fix something that is so broken. like i could be the one that changes it all around. I have this tendency to want to be the one to make things happen. I want to make dreams come true and feelings real. But i can't always been the one to fix something so broke and i've come to realize this a while ago. They say that a man never changes, but i feel like they might be open to the idea even if they don't know how to. It's been another bittersweet strategy of mine to have this optimistic hopefullness that gets the best of me. I can't help but hoping if you love something or someone enough they might do what it takes to change to keep you. I want so badly to be loved in this undeniable way that if he knew for some reason or another i was slipping away he would be damned to see me go. It might sound conceded or ostentatious to say, but I think i am worth the fight. I think i am worth the effort to try to keep me around, because i am willing to put everything i've got into someone or something that is worth it to me. But i won't fight for long if i know you aren't fighting for me.

Now don't misunderstand what i'm trying to get across, its not to say someone or something isn't trying for me. I'm only underlining the belief that is so dear to my heart because its become a trend that people haven't found it necessary to fight for me. But i'm still not willing to give up the idea that there is someone who won't give up on me. I can be the one that shows you that your efforts were not for show. I want to be that something that you hold on to when everything else is going bad, when everything else is crashing around you, just thinking that i'm here to support you doesn't let you give up all hope.

I think about what it means to them to know that they can remember the first day they met. Knowing that they've found the person they couldn't live another day without. I want that so bad. It might sound so surreal and naive to hope for such things, but i can't help but keep the faith that someone out there needs me just as much as i need them. that it is completely possible to have someone who thinks that you are the most amazing love they've ever been able to attain. I want to be that for someone, and i don't think it naive to hope for such things. Because i am also completely satisfied with the idea of it just not being there for me. It is completely possible for it to be, and although i might want it so bad, i can embrace the idea that it might just not be out there for me. I'm ok with the idea of enjoying the life that i have made for myself, but i wouldn't mind the idea of a life with someone else, a significant other.

Because although i might be satisfied with the idea of it not being for me, i believe i would always wonder if it had been. What my life would be like with him in my life. I was never one of those little girls who dreamed of what their dream wedding would be like one day. I dreamed of doing something amazing with my life for me. But that doesn't mean i didn't imagine what it could be life to find someone I am completely happy spending 30 years together with. Someone who wouldn't mind loving me every day. Because although I wasn't that little girl dreaming up their ideal wedding dress, I was still always thinking of my prince charming in the back of my mind.

There is just this powerful tonic in the idea of a love that is lasting, and although the heartbreak comes hand and hand with the love you've always been looking for. I still wouldn't turn back the hands of time to do it any differently. If i had never felt the heart break from my past I would have never been able to appreciate the love of the present and distant future. It sounds like some cliche' statement to make but it is totally true. I am not willing to give up on the ideals and beliefs I have in the love that crosses our paths. I have faith in something that has always been to cruel to me. But only because i always knew one day it would come to satisfy my every need. So whether change is something you're looking for, or an idea you aren't ready to walk towards. I want to love you the best i can, so when i'm trying to understand how i can go about doing that for you, i can only hope that there is something there for me to make it worth your while