when you were young

I always thought it might pain me to watch this video ago remembering the significance it had once upon a time but now i realize it holds such a higher quality now than it ever did back then. and the funny thing is that now when i think about it. it reminds me of those one times driving around in the middle of the night and staring out the window of the passenger seat trying to make myself believe i was still full invested in that love and trying to find it in the bottom of my soul and never been able to come up with anything and wondering why it felt so numb. It's hard to find that sensation when you're only hoping that they could pull you back into the full recognition of the love you remember. but then again back then I was still so young.

I never know if the end of the story ends up having this amazing ending full of promise and hope. But i'm optimistic. I can't tell you that everything is going to end up the way we had always hoped it would because it is here in my heart ache hoping somewhere there is a savior ready to deliver me. But when i think about the ways i once thought it could be complet in one single individual disappointment never seemed to trail too far behind. But then again, i'm still optimistic.

I'm ready to climb any mountain with you because whether we make it our not. the climb was always the best part of the whole journey. the laughs, the smiles, the tears, the fights, the making up, the love, the memories. It always seems to me now that when i was still in that once upon a time i would always look and see the others around me and think "sometimes i wish i had what they had" because of the dissatisfaction i was constantly experiencing on the daily. And now I see the others and think "i'm really lucky".

Because when i was young i had this hope for something. something that almost seemed to be too good to even speak of in hpes of not jinxing the whole experiencing. and i realize reading everything i've written from the past to present might make me sound like some helpless romantic teenager constantly speaking upon some true love modern romance that only existes in fairytales with horses and prince charmings, but that's just the way i see it. what is so bad with hoping that its possible to find a modern love story? what is so wrong with having this kind of faith and admiration for love? because i think it only keeps me with this optimistic view that i have because i've seen heart break and i've felt deep heart ache but i refuse to let it take away my spirit. because its completely possible to find your soul mate whether you believe it or not.

so despite the fact that when i was young i had the utmost hope in a soul mate i knew had to be out there hoping for me. because deep down i can only assume and hope that whether you want to admit it or not you were hoping for me. that you were hoping for a love that would change your world. for a love that would give you this amazing sensation you had always hoped for. for your soul mate. so whether you believe in commitments that last forever i can still hold on to the idea that once upon a time you were there that one day in the middle night driving around and staring out of the window of that passenger seat sitting next to someone you were trying to grab deep down in your soul that you still loved and finding in the pit of your soul that numbness and knowing that right then. right there. that was completely possible that your soul mate was out there somewhere waiting to love you.