final countdown

there is this fairy tale. it always starts the same so i will just stick to the classic.

once upon a time,

We met. At the time we really didn't think anything of it. We sat next to each other. We found our similarities. I thought you were arrogant and somewhat of an asshole. You thought I was too opinionated and a little rude. But a little time went on and it was apparent that we were tied at the hip. Hours spent in each other's dorm rooms working, studying, talking, and occasionally sleeping. everything seemed like it was falling into place, except for that one thing. I had a boyfriend of a year and a half and he had a girlfriend of a year. We kept our romantic and physical distance. We never crossed the line. You never pushed and I never pulled. There was an obvious connection we did a great job of denying.

he would come visit me and see us together. see the chemistry and connection. he swore you were in love with me. i hid my feelings so well he was convinced there was something there but could never prove anything. not even the look in my eyes. He was paranoid like everyone else that wanted us. They would watch us and whisper and stare wondering what was really going on and assuming there had to be something. without knowing the truth. she would later say that we were totally platonic without being platonic at all. i knew the feelings were there and it was obvious we were into each other. but we refused to cross the line. until i left without saying good bye. I didn't know i wasn't going back until i just didn't go back. and we kept in touch over the years.

for that brief time we were even engaged on facebook. and eventually married i think. it was one of the times i was going through another one of this pointless heartbreaking games. you came out of no where with the sweetness i just needed at that moment. but then he came back like he always did and i didn't want him to see that so we ended our pretend marriage. and went back to our friendly ground we were always steady on. until life kept happening to us. and next thing i knew i was telling you i would be seeing you soon when i moved to new york. you had been here 2 years and i didn't know how i would ever feel seeing you again. i just assumed we would go back to being close friends like we had 6.5 years before.

you texted me that saturday and i remember hearing your voice on the phone when i got off work. and all of a sudden i was nervous. and then we were walking down that sidewalk towards each other. you finally came out of the shadows and i saw the biggest smile on your face and it was like we hadn't gone years without seeing each other. it was all back and here i was hugging you again like nothing had happened. like there was no change but reuniting with an old friend. until those old feelings came rushing back faster than i thought they could have. as the night went on, there was no stopping us.

when you told me i was too beautiful not to have a boyfriend, the line didn't work. but when we were there on that street corner and you grabbed my face and went in for that kiss and told me you had been waiting 6 years to do that, i'm just glad you were holding me because i would have fallen over if you weren't/ the rest of the night i needed to keep double taking the situation to realize it wasn't a dream at all. and then i got home, accused you of being drunk, but you said it wouldn't have mattered any way. I almost didn't believe you until our second date and you proved you really didn't need to be drunk to kiss me. that night we finally said it. it was weird to be sitting next to each other 6 years later in new york, kissing, and having it feel like the right thing. like it was something we should've been doing a while ago. i'm happy we didn't because it makes now so much more like its the right time. almost like its fate.

you said you wanted to take it slow, and i didn't mind, twirling your flower in my hand. i would've stayed there for hours if i didn't have to go to work. days went by until our next date and i wanted to see you. i was nervous. until i walked to the corner and saw you standing there waiting for me. you grabbed me by the hand and we went off. you made me feel like i was on a decent date with someone special. we sat there across the table just talking like we usually do, with candle light. You looked me in the eyes and made me promise i would meet your parents when we went back to california for christmas, and that you would be able to meet mine. I said fine as long as we went to disneyland. i'm not going to lie i was a little scared to agree. and i'm still scared, but there's a mix of excitement there. mostly just knowing i'm going to see you for christmas. we went on a random adventure like we seem to always do in the city.

until we laid there and i told you i couldn't have us be about all that. and it wasn't and it hasn't been because we haven't gotten there. and a part of me wants to know if this is going where i want it to go and where i'm hoping you want it to go too. because i know what i'm ready for and i'm more than ready for something with you. and i really think we would be good at it together. she said i should wait until i came back from my vacation to talk to you about it. but i'm thinking i might just wait because i'm honestly afraid.

you came to see me before i left for the holidays and i didn't want you to leave and i know you didn't want to stop kissing me before i jumped on the train. i left and i all i want to do is talk to you whenever i'm not around you. to have you by my side holding my hand and just talking about whatever. the fact that almost 7 years later we can be this happy together. that we finally have our chance at something special after all this time. and yet i'm still completely scared of you.

she says because i tend to find similarities in my heart break and connect it to sabotage the good ones i find. i don't want to ruin things with you, but it is quite possible my fear will take hold and ruin us before we even have a real chance. i'm going to try and give it all up because i see myself with you. i see myself being happy with someone like you. i guess only time will tell and eventually i'm going to let it all go and hope that all of this leads to us....

living happily ever after.