Inbetween days

I want to to give it all up and start from zero. I thought everything was great. You took me to meet your family and you met mine. But then I started realizing the sacrifices I was making so that we could do what you wanted. Although you shower me with the luxury most girls dream of, it almost feels like a trap. For someone who can't even really tell me how they feel. You show me pretty well but it's not enough to even really know for sure. Your humor is obnoxious and I want the feelings and emotions that have me feeling like you're too cold to touch.

But then he tells me I probably don't feel anything because there is a hard piece of coal where my heart is supposed to be. I know he says this because he's fallen so hard for my affections. He wants to be my everything while knowing there is someone else. He knows you have the advantage with all the things you can offer but he doesn't know he is winning in The emotions. He tells me every day how much I mean to him, calling me his queen and I know that's the role he's casted me in.

he makes jokes about me being his future wife when he knows you have more of a chance then he does. But at the end of the day i feel like you both lose. He's right when he says it just sounds like I haven't found the one. trying to choose between two guys. Two complete opposites and if i could combine them I'd probably have exactly who I want. Unfortunately life doesn't work that way. So for now I go on not really giving a fuck. Cause to be quite honest, I don't.

My career is about to hit a major level and that's where my focus needs to be. My heart can stay as cold as it needs to as long as I don't lose sight of why I'm here and what I've been working so long for. Because I know what this is all worth and what I'm doing it for. It isn't about just me anymore. Three kids and your whole life changes. No regrets, I wouldn't change anything. I would take them all over again and again and again to see them happy. I don't need a fairytale love story for a dude I half hazardly adore because they love me more than anyone else could.