Ready or not

Finding myself ready for a life that just isn't ready for me.

I need to throw myself back into my work and a part of me has and I know once Thursday has come around I will. And I've got so many great opportunities coming up. I just hope they play out in a way that puts me where I want to be.

He tells me stories of the girl he wishes could've been what he needed and we start to swap stories but I realize he's still carrying it on his back and I've left it so far away but find traces of it in my present.

He tells me the truth and I know it is. But we've laid there for 10 hours talking and I can't help but wonder why he doesn't see what I do. Or maybe he does and just refuses to want anything to do with it. And its an all too familiar taste in my mouth so my first instinct is to take my space because I can't go through all that again. And again. And again. But then he texts. And then he calls. And then he drunk texts. And drunk calls.

Why come after me that way if you don't want me? Why do they do this to me. Just to keep me around for convenience but it's not like that anymore. Because now I just want to run completely in the opposite direction. So I will because we both and I know I'm never going to be yours and you could never be mine .

He acts like a toddler throwing a tantrum every time I'm around. I have no reaction to him anymore than a sad shake of the head for someone so pathetic in their actions and words. It is just sad.

My past keeps coming to finding me but parts of my past I thought were gone. It's funny how things work that way sometimes.