Only if for a night

I have a problem with letting myself be loved. Yes ok i have daddy issues that i'm obviously still overcoming. Everyone wants to say one thing and do another and i've always been skeptical of people because of that. I've been working on it and slowly getting over it. but i push because i realize you shouldn't be treated like that. I don't want to make things worse so i pull myself out of the equation. And sometimes i realize that it only hurts more because i need you. But sometimes I get scared because sometimes you remind me of him. The way you talk to me sometimes. The way it takes 3 to 4 criticisms to get to the one nice comment. When I realize that i can count on both hands how many times you've called me pretty or beautiful in the last year. You tell me i'm sexy when we're being sexy, the only other time i can remember is when i was in my bathing suit in the bahamas. and maybe a time or two before that. I think i just worry of being with someone like him. I'm scared of being in that situation and loving you so much i can't/won't leave. I don't want that kind of criticism all the time. I already criticize myself enough for the rest of the world. Sometimes I feel like i suffocate myself with it. There was so much more expected from me and i'll never achieve those expectations in this lifetime or the next three after it. I have to learn to let myself be loved. I know you love me. I know you can't live without me. I know i mean so much to you. But i'm afraid of what that means sometimes when all i want is to know that the things you say aren't what you think right when you see me. That when you make a sharp comment its not what you really think when you look at me. I have to learn to let myself be loved. love, love, love is a verb. loved. loves. loved. love.