hoping the day comes when my luck will change

time stands still all the time. my favorite time of the day is when i'm driving my car. alone. driving. just me and my music. its like the whole world is moving and i might be moving along with it on the same roads every day, but its just me in the car. and i don't have anyone else there to change my mind about where i'm going. but i'm starting to feel like walking this line by myself isn't really walking alone anymore. i found his shirt the other day while i was sitting writing my paper. i inhaled as much of his smell that still lingers on it as i could. and i couldn't help but cry. i sob every time it hits me again that he's gone. i wish i could just drive to their apartment so far away again and open the door and see him sitting there waiting for me. like he's been waiting there for me the whole time. and it all still sits on my head. its soaked all over my body and i just can't let it go because i still can't let myself know what happened. there's too much at one time and i'm holding on to the rope by my finger tips. trying not to lose grip takes a lot of energy sometimes. because i still need him. i need his tid bits of valuable life lessons. and i think about him almost every day and its like burning the whole further in my heart that i can't bring myself to even thinkof the possibility of loving anyone. i can't do what they did or what they put themselves through. here i was thinking this was the most beautiful side of love and i guess it is that they were together till the last possible moments professing their love for eachother but i just can't endure that horrible feeling of watching it being ripped away. and now i'm here trying to pick up the pieces while trying to convince myself love is all but a beautiful dream that you will never want to be reality