this is what it is to be smashed

smashed to pieces like a bat to the stomach i'm trying to hold it all in holding it all together and i'm dying inside knowing that he would leave with the girl from the past right in front of my face. she's looking at me with sorrow in every crevence of her face and asking me if i'm okay i'm trying to hold it all in. holding everything i have in me inside but these feelings are stronger than i can hold and heartbreak is so foreign but its coming back like a relative. this is pain and i'm tearing up like this was something to me and deep down i know it was and she's following me with no clue that i'm dying from the inside out and i'm trying to keep it all in. i'm trying to keep it from following out of my mouth like vomit. and here i am regurgitating it all wtih shame in my eyes but she tells me i'm only human to let myself have feelings for someone like that is something that happens and i have to just let myself feel. but feelings i can only take so much of me before i keep feeling like the bat swing to the gut. forgiveness could be possible but the unbelieveable concept that hurt feels this way is what hurts more than the sound of the door slam when she got into the car. so here it goes because i deleted you from everything knowing it was the only way for me not to look and reminisce about the perfect match who didn't want me. so here goes smashing me to pieces with one swing. you should be so proud.