Round 3

I like to think I go through pain to get to something good. I have yet to find the good. But can it make it's way here? I mean even just a taste?

I feel like no matter what I do I'm made to lose. You want to make me the bad guy. Like im the crazy one. Like I'm the one that's done something wrong so you don't have to look at yourself. So you don't have to realize how much of an asshole you're really being. Instead you tell me I'm the drama. You think I'm crazy. When it is so black and white that I haven't done anything at all. All I ever did was show you I care and really make you the only one. Even when I didn't want to. I made it about you. But you couldn't make it about me.

You made me believe you had. You keep trying to make me believe that it just can't be true. But it is hard to deny a truth I read with my own eyes. I was never the only one. And that isn't even the part that hurts. It's the fact that even after everything else, you still just can't be honest with me. And yet I'm not surprised.

So maybe I am the crazy one. Because I believed you. And the worst part about it? You know im right. And the part that kills me the most ? You weren't the first one to do this to me. The difference between now and then? I wasn't in love with you. At least being in love has left my body.

Because now all I feel is this all encompassing numb feeling I almost missed.

I need her so bad right now. And now I'm the one in NY and she's in CA. I miss my person. 3 more weeks.