Back and forth back and forth forth and back

When I get down to nitty gritty of it. When I dismantle it and take it apart. Wen I tear it down and get down to the core I realize most of my problems are my own doing. You know the usual letting words get to you. Letting the actions that people take get downtothe core of who you are.but I trying to take that apart to rebuild my castle. To rebuild my fortress. Not to necessarily keep everyone out but to know how to let anyone in. It all starts with me. And I'm going to start with me. It comes down to so much. It comes down to everyone and just about everything. My abandonment issues are so far inside my veins I really wish I could get it to stop. But even with recent events with so much of my career falling throw the cracks of my fingers by the actions of those around me, I keep trying to catch myself not reverting to the idea that its a result of everything abandoning me and getting as far away for me as it possibly can. I want to pick myself up as I usually do and keep going and find something better and I feel that it's possible and I'm in a rush to get there. I know mimoatient but I'm just so ready to get this started already. I want to be something so much more for myself along with everything else around me. I feel likei can't give everything I have if everything isn't giving anything to me. I keep struggling with myself but I won't struggle forever