I have come to realize more than ever now, that every day is a new day. I feel like I'm stuck in quicksand and every time I try to move I am pulled further down into the sand and just can't get out. They keep telling me that something will come soon and a part of me has lost my faith. A large part of me. It seems as though my life was always meant to be one way. I've come accustomed to the tragedies. But so,we here deep inside of me , I am hoping the way he does. The way he hopes so etching will change that will bring back the love he always hoped he had. I guess I should take my own advice which is always harder said than done.
If you want something to change, you have to change something in yourself first. Nothing will change if you don't change anything. So maybe that's where my problem is. I have put myself in a place where I expect change but haven't changed anything. But then again, a lot has changed.
I am accepting to the idea of change. I gave my ideas of him leaving, because he hasn't and I believe him to have a larger fear of me leaving than vice versa. I abandoned my idea that he couldn't love me because he compromises so much for me, not to love me. It's in the way he touches me, the gentle kisses, the way he looks at me, the way he shows me, even if I can't get the words, I know it's there and I can only hope that eventually he will tell me more.
A change will come with change. I've opened my heart to new things and I can only hope for the best because I want him every day. I want to him to stay. I want him in my life. And I want to love him the best way that I can for the rest of my life. Everything else will find its way.
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