all of the joy and the pain

he brought me to tears with his truth. the way he just came out and said "i just don't see you guys being in a relationship". i couldn't help the tears from my face making me feel so foolish. i was sitting there trying to make sense of everything. he only told me that he knew i felt it was time. that after all this waiting he knew i'm not one to beat around the bush to anything. and that now is not the time to start. it broke my heart. like everyone closest to me was joining in the same voice with the same truths. it hurts so bad but i can't keep doing this. i can't keep loving him this way. i know who i am and i know what i want. and even if he doesn't know what he wants. i can't keep sitting around here feeling like i'm on a back burner trying to figure it out. he said he's always praying that we get together because he knows how good it will be for the both of us. and i told him my truth. the truth is i'm always praying something would come of us. even if i let him go i'll always be praying that one day he shows up on my doorstep and tells me he's ready to love me. because i love him. its a lot to say and its a lot to have these feelings inside me. but it is what i feel. i told him i just want to try it. even if it meant it ending, as long as we could say we gave it a shot. but that's not even likely and that's why i have to let it go. i'm always saying i'm going to be ok. but i know this will be the one time i don't think i'll be able to say it. i'll move on but God knows its going to be hard. he hit a special part of me in a sincere way.