constant surprises

i looked at her and gave my thanks for an understanding of misunderstandings. these things have been falling party for a while i keep trying to hold them up out of necessity but realizing that he keeps taking the pieces out like this is a jenga game. our tower finally fell. and i'm not sorry it did. i'm not trying to build it back up and its like a weight off my shoulders to know i can just let it all go. they always say blood is thicker than water but this blood has run dry. i feel whole in the absence. i feel renewed in a departure.

at first i felt like it stung. i already knew. it wasn't a secret. i wish it was different. i really wish it was. but i came to realize you can't be the victim when you were once the one. when once upon a time it was you. i've walked in those steps and know the way it feels. but i also know its possible to come back from it. its possible to come up for air from this. because like i said it doesn't change how if eel. nothing before us matters to me. because all the matter is us now and where we're going. there's no looking back. i'll still be the one holding his hand.

it surprises me that i can be this way now when once upon a time i probably wouldn't have handled anything this way. it makes me wonder how i got to this point and i start to believe that its all because tragedy is a friend of mine. trouble is my neighbor that always drops by for a visit. and heartbreak is the relative that always keeps calling. andi could easily fall back into an intense depression that had me wondering what i'm doing here, but instead with a smile on my face i stay calm and keep looking forward because i know all these things are temporary. i can't hold on to the negative. and i won't hold on to this negative or the other negatives we've had because deep down i really believe you care for me. somewhere in you i really think you love me.

and i want our time to last, and i want you to see that there is someone capable of sticking with you through thick and thin that won't just take your heart and smash it because they can. i get nervous because when it comes to you, i've never cared for anyone as much as i care about you. and yah that scares the hell out of me. but the roller coaster is still worth the scary parts when i'm happiest with you.