like i'm indestructible

starting over somewhere new is like living life for the first time all over again sometimes. or at least that's how i feel. I moved into my new apartment and its like a whole new something inside of me came out. IT sounds so weird but this place feels so much like home that whenever i'm here i have this all encompassing calm relaxed feeling of peace. it makes me so happy to be here and to stay here. I guess this really is the beginning of something completely new that i really love.

Besides that I find myself sometimes zoning off. I don't know why but its like I'm not completely satisfied yet. not to say i'm someone who isn't ever satisfied, but i'm just not satisfied with the way things are yet. I still have a ways to go but taking it one day at a time. and i'm sure one day i'll get there and God knows i'm trying but emotional i'm still hidden inside myself like i'm too afraid to let it out.

she gives me advice that keeps me thinking to myself i can't give up on it yet. and he has this way of calling me out when he sounds me questioning myself. He says i haven't had those conversatoins with myself that has me realizing what it is i really want and what i am ready for. I have too much going on right now for all of that.

he came around and was this person to be somewhat interested in. We were sitting there eating delicious food and I realized we had much more in common than I thought we would have. And we laughed and talked like we'd known each other for some time. But then I saw him in action. And I realized there were things about him that I didn't like. It was cute to see him get nervous enough to spill drinks and drop things. But the other stuff I saw was just a turn off. Maybe for some girls that stuff is a turn on but he always told me I was never like most girls. I never have been and I never will and that might be why I've had so much trouble in the relationship department but I don't care enough to change being different. I'm relaxed in my relationships and I've come to notice that it tends to be too easy for some people to hang with. but i don't see a problem with it.

letting go and hiding back inside myself all at the same time.

i guess what i was feeling is all in the past tense now.