closer

April 9, 2013.... The night before we had discussed things in an almost pure kind of way. I let it all out. everything. all the feelings i had about all of it and i didn't mean to sound harsh or mean but i understand that's exactly how i came off. It wasn't my intention but it was my intention to tell you everything i needed to say and the words came from my mouth in such a fashion that i couldn't make them stop. i needed you to understand that you werent the only one feeling the pain that was dealt in the cards. I was left with a broken heart and now i know why. now i understand all of it. but as we talk about what happened it was all about your heart and everything that happened to you but you had to understand that this happened to me too. thats why i let the words fall from my lips the way they did. I could hear them cut you over and over but we both knew that it had to be done. As i laid there wondering what i had done, i had to let sleep take over my excessive thoughts. when i woke up the next morning your arms were around me and you kissed me with such sincerity. you told me that you weren't letting me go anywhere.... April 10, 2013.... I came to pick you up from work and with a rush about me to make sure we made it to diner on time. We made it early and i was letting the stress of my work and day get into my head and not realize what was happening. We were having dinner with them and i needed to appreciate the fact that it was happening because it meant something for her to sit across from you at a table and let you show her that you were serious just as much as showing me you were serious. We sat there and the table talk was perfect and effortless. Things felt as if they were never changed and had only progressed. As we said our good byes and headed home, we did our normal night routines and i sat there looking for music to listen to on your computer. you grabbed me and pulled me closer to you. wrapped in your arms and with the heat of your lips on my next you whispered in my ear, "I want you to be my girlfriend." and in that moment everything was made concrete in the words of wanting. the words i had been wanting to hear and the words, you were saying. at first i was hoping that you werent just saying them because of our talk the night before, but then i let my doubts leave my head just for second and realized you were asking me because its just exactly what you wanted. i know you see right through my speculations. you see through them and i'm trying to make you understand that because of my past its been really hard for e to see anything different and with your actions it has mirrored some of those past experiences that it does bring around some doubts but i do believe you because i want to believe you. there is something here that is worth believing. the main point being that i'm finally happy and its been so long since i've felt this way. loving you was always easy to do. because it was just the way it was supposed to be. and those 10 days i think said enough to you about what this is and why its here. it might have been a while since you last saw what love it, but get ready, because i'm going to show you everything its got to give.