Don't walk away

He doesn't realize it's not the end of the world It doesn't have to be that bad She tried to explain, "It's you that makes me happy," Whatever, whatever, whatever Whatever happens, don't let go of my hand

You know when they say you don't know what you've got till its gone? I've come to realize what I have when it was almost really gone. Now, I would do anything to keep it. A part of me still fears you'd rather be gone. But I don't want you to go anywhere. you know when you're in that space of wanting to keep someone but not wanting to make them feel they have to stay if they don't want to? I am almost overwhelmed with just how much I love him. I know that sounds kinda crazy, but its true. It was literally like overnight I fell in love with im all over again. I wish I could make him feel the same way. That the possibility of losing me was something he would do anything to prevent. But I think when that possibility presented itself this time he wasa already getting ready for it. It was a little heartbreaking when he said he feared more of being the bad guy than losing me. I had always believed he had a fear of losing me. It made me hold on in the times that I didn't think I could. I made myself believe that he cared for me so much that he was afraid of seeing me go. Knowing that what i believed isn't the truth was a hard pill to swallow. I'm literally listening to "Man in the Mirror" and listening to the lyric when he sings he is looking in the mirror and making a change. I need to make a change. super cliche i know but really its true. I need to stop worrying about the things that I can't change. I keep tellhim to just love me but i need to just love him. I'm afraid of loving him too much but why? What is the harm in loving someone? i mean ya i could get my heart completely broken, as i have experienced in the past. but its that exact heart break that got me to love him as much as i do now. I know that i have something good because i've had really really bad. At the end of the day, and no matter how much of a bad guy he thinks he is (which he absolutely isn't, because everything he is feeling is valid), I love this man. This is the man I can see myself spending my life with and who I want to spend my life with. He might not have realized this for himself yet because I put his mind in the opposite direction, but I will do everything I can and everything i need to so that he knows, i'm here to stay. He doesn't have to prepare for the end because I love him with all his faults with all his good sides, because he takes care of me, and he loves me. I know he loves me and cares for me. I am not dissillusioned and I am not naive. And regardless if there is a possibility that I am, I will never regret that love I have given him and the love I still have to give. Do you remember the time when we fell in love? He has been there by my side through much more than anyone was willing, and I have supported all of the decisions he's made for his life. I will continue to support him and love him for who he is. I mad the mistake of not seeing that before and he made the mistake of giving up. Now its time to get back to who we are and who we are to each other. Because fate had us there at the right time at the right place and I don't wnat to give up. I just don't.