fear

"Dont believe the lies.
Look me in my eyes.
Please dont be scared of me.
Please dont be scared of me.
I remember you.
This feeling isnt new.
So please dont be scared of me.
Please dont be scared of me."
-drake

I finally got to tell her the events of my heart breaking and telling her is what makes this whole thing sit in my stomach. telling her makes everything real. i'm letting it out of my soul recalling all the events that left me on her bed crying my heart out and finally catching myself to realize this was it and it was all done here. i'm trying to keep what he said out of my head that being on a yo yo doesn't mean its over but only means he's needing some time. but i know its better that i just keep telling myself its over and its done from here on out and that was the last thing i ever said to him and that i don't regret it. im sitting there telling her that i just can't make him out to be the villian in this story because no matter how much i hate this and i hate that he couldn't just tell me how he really feels and that i hate that every time i looked in his eyes i felt like he was always hiding something from me. because here we are. and here it is and no matter if there are those things. somewhere in my heart i'm still hoping that he turns around and realizes it was always me this whole time. i can hide that though. i can hide that deep in the hole in my heart and never let myself know the truth. and although lying to myself might not always be the right thing to do. its the remedy to my broken heart because when it comes down to it i can move on even if i can't get over it. there will always be a replacement and there will always be a distraction. it might not resolve the pain i feel but at least it will help me from all this because i'm not going to continue believing you're going to show up on my doorstep any time soon.