abducted

He tore me apart because I really loved him.

My new job is a little tough to say the least but i'm starting to get a handle on it and my managers keep telling me i'm doing a good job. I'm going to try and do everything i can to make my way to the top and this first week was only the beginning. It's only a matter of time from this point. The hardest part of being here is looking for an apartment but hopefully if this week goes well I will have one by the end of the month. I have 2 apartments to go visit this week so hopefully all goes well.

We met up on the corner. I felt like i was in one of those movies. WE hadn't seen each other in 5 years. and there he was all of a sudden in front of me. WE practically ran to each other and gave a huge hug. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "You look exactly the same." and that kind of stuck to me. It wasn't the future plans to eat, party, and go sight seeing. It wasn't the future travel plans. It wasn't anything else. It was that one sentence right there. When I told him he said, "yah, because you look exactly the same to him, you remind him now of the way he felt about you back then. and because you look the same he now realizes those feelings are still the same." It made me think for a second because I don't want to date anyone right now. and I convinced myself that he doesn't have those feelings. It was so long ago and I had a boyfriend and nothing happened between us, except the expensive sneakers he got me that I wore all the time. She says she thinks he still has those feelings. and when they both agree, they're usually right. I don't know. I didn't go to see him on his birthday. Not because I didn't want to, but more because I was going into the city the next day for work and just didn't see how I could make it there and back in time. But i'm not really fretting over the whole thing and just kind of letting it play out. right now he's my friend that i've known for a long time now. and its nice to have someone who grew up in new york and knows the ins and outs that i have to hang out with. and on top of all that, i've always really liked hanging out with him. even though sometimes he can be a little full of himself, he's always been able to really make me laugh.

i really like my life here. I got to meet soem really great people this past thursday beside the nice people i've met at work. minus the guys that look at me like they're going to eat me for dessert. I covered this even for work and it was so much fun and like the stars aligned or something of the sort. we met and she was my photographer. a fellow californian with the heart of an angel, i swear. I felt so lucky to meet her who was more than willing to introduce me to all the people i need to be introduced to. and all i could think was this is the beginning of a great friendship for sure. Now I just need to get one of these apartments in the city and my life will be complete as of right now, until i push myself farther to something i really want.

my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. well more like 12 days. kinda crazy. But the downside of moving here a month before my birthday is everyone will be gone. i'm literally going to be alone in the city for my birthday. my brother will be in california. my best friend in new mexico. my friend in new orleans. and my other friends in california. so here i am on the east coast and everyone is either going west or south. i'm a little sad about it because i literally have to be alone on my birthday. but it kind of makes sense. when have i ever had a birthday that went well? i think the closest i got was last year being in london with my best friend but even that one had some drama. I hope one day that changes.