come as you are

so my birthday ended up being much more than I had ever anticipated. I worked and although it was a crazy day, it was still pay day and everyone at work wished me a happy birthday. well my friends did. they also offered to take me out when they got off work. I had planned to go see Beats, Rhymes and Life after work, which I did. It was a great movie but seemed a lot like a VH1 Behind The Music special. He had asked me if we could do something when he got off work. I had told him about the movie and that i wouldn't get out till way after he got off work. But when I walked out the movie theater, he was there. waiting for me. Most girls would think it was incredibly romantic. But it made me uncomfortable. he walked with me back to the park and bought me a drink while i waited for the girls.

he has an incredibly tragic life that makes him quite an endearing person. But I just don't want to date. i'm not in that mind space. I see it in his eyes and he keeps telling me how beautiful my eyes are the songs that come to his head every time he sees me. It is incredibly sweet but I just can't. We were at the bar when the girls came to meet up. We had a few drinks and an all around good time until the park closed and she told us about this gay bar down the street. I had never been to one and thought "why not?" so we went and they let me in for free since it was my birthday. The bartenders were shirtless with amazing bodies. He was one of the hottest guys I had seen in person in a really long time. She told him it was my birthday and he gave me a free drink and a free shot. We went to dance for a little bit and I came back to the bar for another drink. He started talking to me and then he asked if he could give me his number. He gave it to me on a napkin and I was in shock. This guy is way out of my league but I told him I would text him the next day.

We left and he walked me to the train station. He was telling me this story about how he found out his ex was cheating on him but he still believed in love. I told him my last relationship really fucked me up and I don't. The I told him I had to go and hopped onto the train. Then I took out my phone and texted the bartender. He told me he wanted to meet up soon. I said okay and finally got to sleep the next day on my day off.

I saw him at work the next day and he again was acting a little too clingy for me. I stayed distracted with work and my friends. While I was on the train, I wanted to text him, but i distracted myself by reading instead. The other one kept texting me but I just started ignoring his texts. Today he invited me to a play tomorrow night, but I told him I had plans. Then he texted me and I was a little shocked especially when he said he wanted to talk more, but it was of course when he asked me what I do. I think I need to start lying or not telling anyone I write for a music magazine. It's like once I say that, all of a sudden they are a producer, musician, or something similar and then I become interesting. Oh well, we'll see because I still just don't want to date.

I like having my fun with my friends and right now, that's the way I want to keep it.