us

Days keep flying by and I'm trying to snatch them up as quick as I can so I can remember where they are and who they belong to. I've been working non stop which will pay off this friday which is coincidently my birthday. Another birthday which doesn't go right. Because I will be in this big city alone. I'll have my friends at work because I work that day. But I wont have my family, my best friend, or my other friends. Everything with them either already happened or is waiting till after. So i've decided to treat myself to a movie after work and head home for my 2 days off after and live happily on my couch.

I'm not going to lie. Im a bummed/sad that im going to be alone on my birthday. But would it really be my birthday if it went right and I had everyone I love around me? What is it about my birthday that karma is like, "time to taketh away"? Oh well im used to it by now. What's really crazy is to think I was in London this time last year and how much everything has changed. It was then that I knew I was going to come to new York. I didn't know how yet I just knew I was.

They asked me today if I had a boyfriend because they all do. Im the only one who doesn't. They want to set me up if they can. I just don't want to. While the other ones look at me like im a tasty dessert. Too bad im not. Its not that im bitter. Just still really pissed off. Which just means im still hurt. And I have no idea why. My heart is no longer in love. My mind on the other hand has some issues. I present myself with all the facts and yet still find a way to think" yah, but..." which really needs to go. I know its been 6 months. But here I am thinking, does he even remember its going to be my birthday. Another foolish thought I trick myself into thinking.

Soon enough it will all be over and soon enough everything will turn around. My life is changing so quickly. Its even hard for me to keep up. But it all got slammed to a screeching halt last night when she told me they were living in a hotel in a place they know nothing about. I couldn't help but cry thinking about them like that and feeling so helpless because I would give anything to take them and change their lives. But I can't do anything. It might seem like I have options. But I don't. I keep trying to think of alternatives but they all have dead ends. I need a bulletproof soul.

I know im meant to be here based on the way things have been going. But I know im not there yet. I know there's more for me to find.

I guess I really did find the good in good bye.

Because love was always a gun to you.

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