I knew that before you did.

And there's this burning, like there's always been. i've never been so alone and i've...i've never felt so alive.

I'm starting to feel something weird. not like i'm completely numb anymore there's something there but it hasn't completely come to the surface yet. sometimes it comes and sometimes it goes and I think its just me finding my way back to normality. There's still a heaviness in the pit of my stomach or the center of my chest. But its gradually getting lighter with every step i take to getting myself situated. There's still a lot to conquer but I think I'm somewhat ready.

He texted me and I still don't feel much. It's entertaining to say whatever there is to say about it but nothing to call home about. I just feel bored with that kind of stuff right now. He finally got the hint I think when I somewhat ignored what he was saying to me that day. My friend laughed about it later but I think he felt bad for him too. I don't want to hurt anyone I just don't want to be involved.

She called to complain. She gave me a lecture on why I should call him. But I told her I don't want to and there's no need to. We don't have a relationship anymore and I'm okay with that. I could tell he got upset when I talked to him about it but that's because that's a scab that won't ever heal for him. I can't say I completely feel indifferent to it because it hurts every time. But I plan to nip it in the butt on sunday and just tell him straight out. Things will never be the same. He ruined everything for us. and there's no going back.

I wish more people would just stop doing that.

I guess he was right when he asked, "why is it that the ones you really love are the ones that make you feel like you want to die?"



him: I bet your that girl who never comes across someone who doesn't love you whether it be right away or gradually.

me: I'm sure I have people who hate me.

him: Yes, but you're haters love to hate you so it still counts.

me: That might be true, but i at least know of one person.

him: Who?

me: The only person I ever really loved was the one person that never really loved me.

him: Sounds like a damn fool to me.