And when I always knew

I wake up knowing I'm in the midst of a moment in my life when nothing is going my way and I have to make the most of it all.

It was like more bad news after the next. The first one I didn't care about because I was never close to her and she was no better than her sister. But then he called and told me they talked. He found where he was and for the 45 minutes they talked he had cried for 35 minutes of the conversation. I would to if I found out where the son I hadn't heard of or seen for 5 years was now a phone call away. Unfortunately he solidified her lies. It is possible it might not be him and someone else. And that is something I fear because I cant do it to this boy. He is so much of me and I can't let him hurt anymore than he already has. But I know I can only protect him so much from her vicious truths.

I know I can read too much into things sometimes. But something woke me up and I saw his text then I wasted time and saw his tweets. I told myself they had nothing to do with me but a part of me wanted to believe they did. But then I feel like my heart is back to its old tricks. I can't let myself get so wrapped up that way. And I couldn't even really tell you why I do. And here I was thinking I would give him some space instead I'm texting him all day about things I didn't even really want to tell him but he just brings it out of me. He says he knows how I feel or he can relate to what I'm going through. And I appreciate that he thinks he does but he has no idea. He has no inclination of what this is and what it feels like. And I wouldn't want to wish it on him anyways.

Lover to lover, how can you still know me but not know me at all? How can you see me so clearly but be so blind to us?