And I've never asked for too much

But it always seems like the impossible. I went on my day like i was wearing my heart on my face and everyone could see.

I woke up and realized it felt like I was leaving my body. I left myself sitting there. Realizing he knew the truth all along and didn't tell me. He knowingly hurt me. And I only say this because he knew the bullshit he was pulling and didn't stop it. He knew he would hurt me. But he saved it for now? You save it for after I'd believed you cared to tell me there was someone else the whole time?

And here's the thing. There is a difference between going out and having fun and actually seeing someone. And you have been seeing someone. And I've been here thinking something completely different because you let me. You knew what I had been through but you let it happen all over again and for what? What did you gain from all of this? What were you hoping to prove? Because all you did was show me I should have never opened up at all. I am the fool.

And you can pretend I'm not but I was the fool who believed in you and we both know that's true. You could've spared me but you told me things that made me believe I should keep on. You should have let me go. I didn't deserve all of this and Fuck it hurts so fucking bad. Because you told me they were wrong but you proved them all right. And it's so fucking hurtful.

And I don't even think you're sorry. I really dont. I feel like it didn't matter to you at all because if it did you wouldn't have done this to me being completely knowledgeable of my past. I can't come back from this. I don't give up. I'm just accepting it and letting go.

I knew that life was never for me and I should have just accepted it then and let it all go. If I wasn't cold enough before with my emotions it's all gone to shit now. And you have no idea how this feels and I still wouldn't fucking wish it upon you.

I made the appointment today. Tuesday I will know the truth. And I will deal with what comes. I'm taking myself, by myself, I will leave by myself and I will go to work like it didn't happen. I will go to the event like I didn't see anything. And then I will work the next day like it was all a dream. And I will deal with it when the next appointment is made for the next week.because I already know. And everything else that is happening leading up to it is just proving it. A serious of terrible events.

He came in to see me today. He said he wanted to see me again. He's been wanting my attention but I've been hardly there and now he's just too late. I'm so far gone I wouldn't know how to get back from here. My night was supposed to be filled with the parties, the drinks, the lights, the music. And I probably needed all of it, but I couldn't tonight. It might have been a mistake but it can wait till tomorrow.

Breaking it up, it's already gone.