And when I find myself at the edge of the line

Do I cross it?

I just want to say "and when you're not the only one not giving a fuck, don't be surprised." because I've been here before. I feel like I'm rereading a story I know the ending too. Nothing has changed because you don't care for it to. You might care about me to an extent but it really isn't enough to keep me here at this moment.

And don't gets wrong. I don't want to. I don't want to turn my back on you. I don't want to disappear. But it's what I have to do because I can't do this to myself again. I know what comes next and it's not a story I'm willing to relive.

Because I'm always going to lose. I'm going to be the one that gets hurt. I'm the one that's going to have to hear that you're happy with someone else that isn't me soon after. That is the role that I play out.

"won't you come over? Stop making a fool out of me."

So when I say the words and you think you understand. You think that it had to happen. And you're disappointed to lose me as a friend just know that love was always a losing game for me. I can't win. And it's not to take it out on you. It's jot to punish you. But it's just to save what I have left of this heart. Because it barely holds on as is. And I'm not going to fill it with the same hopeful faith I once did. Only to have it all torn apart because you weren't ready for me. I shouldn't have to pay that price and neither should you.

So when the cards are on the table and you see me disappear in front of your eyes. I think we both know it was bound to happen. It never made any sense why we couldn't happen but then again it never does. It's just something that is and always was.

I'll keep you close to my thoughts of treasured things. But that's as close as I can let you get. Because that's as close as i could ever get to you.