Chances, changes, moments

I hate to love those moments I can't seem to get myself out of. What were we hoping for to happen? I can only assume you believed we could reestablish a friendship you think has been lost. I honestly had no intentions. I showed up with no expectations. What I wasn't expecting was tears.

I know what your words mean. I know what you say when you say it. But maybe that was just it. With everything you said, I could feel me falling even deeper into myself. I was wishing there was some blanket j could just pull over my head so you couldn't see me anymore. I realized I had opened up myself to someone in such a way and knowing you couldn't see me. I'm still well aware of it all. It plays out like
E some cheesy sad romantic movie in my mind. And all I keep thinking is. "what is my fucking issue?" because I clearly have one. I haven't cried like that ever in a public place. And all I wanted to do was disappear.

It only sent me back to ground zero when you said it was how we started. How relevant is that anymore? If everything changed? If you know I'm so different but you treat me all the same. I'm supposed to be so disposable? I guess I can't blame you. Maybe I can't see myself from the outside looking in to know the difference but there has to be something because you aren't the only one.

You aren't the only one that has said and done these things. And you might think that I don't believe people can change because I don't have enough faith. But where is the faith? Where do I put the little I have left when everything point to the same disappointment? I know I have to learn to deal with the fact it's not in the cards for me. But this is all part of me getting there.

There is no blame in you just confirmation of what I guess I've always known. I need to just keep everything in how. Because there is no longer a foot to shoot when it's been completely demolished.

Faithful heart you are what I feel most sad for. So utterly blind to history repeating and yet you still hold on. You still think he'll still show up next thursday. You think he would never forget you on your birthday. But you tend to be unaware that his heart has already forgotten you because it never knew you.

Yet again, oh love oh love stop making a fool of me. At this point is rather just be alone.