if i could say it, this would probably be how i would

Seems like everyone else has a love just for them,
I don't mind, we have such a good time,
My best friend, but sometimes, well,
I wish we could be more than friends,
Tell me do you know?
Tell me do you know?
Oh..

I get so breathless, when you call my name,
I've often wondered, do you feel the same?
There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity
When we're all alone,
So don't tell me
You can't see
What I'm thinking of.

I can understand that you don't want to cross the line,
And you know i can't promise you things,
Will turn out fine,
But i have to be honest, I want you to be mine
Tell me do you know?
Tell me do you know?
Oh...

I get so breathless, when you call my name,
I've often wondered, do you feel the same?
There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity
When we're all alone,
So don't tell me
You can't see
Oh!

'Cause I've tried to do this right in your own time
I've been telling with my eyes, my heart's on fire,
Why don't you realize?
Tell me do you know?
Tell me do you know?
I get so breathless...


I really couldn't have said it much better myself. sometimes i wish i could be as eloquent in my words as music. but i do enjoy that it can speak more volumes than i can at times. but from what i've come across, not everyone understands what i'm trying to say when i tell them to pay attention to a song. because she's walking with me and asking me why i need it to be official. what could possible change? because as far as she and just about everyone else can see, it really is just without the label. but it really isn't. i wish i could say it was but it isn't. and i understand sometimes these things take time. i get that and there is probably an unbelievably good reason for taking things this way, and sometimes i think i know what it is and other times i don't. but i think when i don't its just frustration which has been kinda sneaking back up to me. but i'm good with setting it back.

and the other times when i think there is a good reason for all of this, its because i think when it finally happens if it does happen at all, i'll appreciate it in a different way i would otherwise. so when she's telling me to imagine. to take my head out of what this is now and put it into the place where things are official what would change and how would i feel? i really thought about it. i really let myself be there for a moment. and honestly...i had it.

you know that feeling inside you're chest where everything is warm and fuzzy? ya it was like that. like it just made sense. it reminded me of the last time i kissed him. it was completely harmless in no way shape or form. haha i know confusing but bare with me. usually i'm ok. we kiss and its nice and i like it and i want to keep doing it. but this time was different. i really felt something. i almost didn't want to admit it to myself because it really scares me, and its something that hasn't been there in a long time. but it was different than before. almost like my chest was caving in but not in the bad way that sounds. i'm trying to explain it and wishing i had the song to explain it with. if i could explain it in a song, it would be like sade's love is greater than pride, or the first time i saw the mars volta in concert, the feeling i got when i saw my first symphony, the feeling i get when i touch piano keys. the way it feels when i'm holding my drumsticks. its this amazing feeling that almost makes you feel like you're losing your breathe, but you feel it warm in your chest, and it almost feels like home. like i said....it scared the crap out of me.

i knew i had feelings but i didn't know i had THOSE feelings. it was like pressing the panic button. i almost wanted to pull myself away and stop because i was so scared. because it just meant. well. it just meant that i was open. i had finally let myself open to him. i've told him stuff i haven't told anyone besides her. and its got me a little freaked out i'm not going to lie. but maybe that's what i needed? and in the same respect, i think he's just as scared. and the ironic thing about that is that i think its the same level of fear. which is actually a good thing really. because it isn't one-sided, but a mutual fear that we both share with each other. i know it surprises that although we are open we still have things we hide. but that's part of the fear. eventually its going to all come out. and honestly i think i'm ready for it. even if you're not. because if this is just the tip of the iceberg of that feeling. i definitly want to find out what comes next.

i don't want my fear to dictate how i open up or how much i open up. or how much i let myself into this. whatever it might be. because when it comes down to the real stuff. when i answer the real questions on what would change if we really were together. all i can say is that it just makes sense. because it just really does. i like that i don't have to explain what i mean all the time and that even with my jumbled up words you still get it. i like that there's just a mutual understanding of things and i like that if i tell you to listen to a song you're just going to get it. that's why it makes sense. because you just get it. no explanations no excuses no complications. it just makes sense.

i guess that's why sometimes i think, you care more about me and you have more feelings for me than you let either of us believe.