you know when you have one of those random bright shining thoughts that find their way through everything? this incredible epiphany? well i had one of those today. when i mean today i mean like 2am. and although it is quite possible i let this get away with me as i usually do, because i am one of those people that blog senselessly which i've come to know can come and bite you in the ass as i saw social network last night, but when you are one of those people that have too many thoughts and this is the only way to get them out, then oh well, it is what it is. so here we go...
i was thinking about when he said that he was feeling the connection wasn't there the way it used to be and that things didn't feel as natural, and it hit me that that was definitely total crap. (sorry to put it that way but keep in this with me for a second). the reason i say this is because it hit me that the connection and naturalism of it all goes beyond us. it is bigger than us because of this, as i've come to realize, even sitting there crying my eyes out being angry at myself, i could still as you said, open you up when you're closed. i've seemed to have this talent many times and i saw that it is a natural talent that i have with you. just as you have the natural talent of knowing i'm thinking of something i might not be saying.
its a natural thing we have with each other that no matter what we've always had. its the same feeling we get when we just start talking to each other and all of a sudden everything is comfortable and effortless. and you know the kind of talking i'm talking about. its like this invisible language that just exists. which is why even when we might not see the chemistry, connection, natural, organic way we are, its still always there. its always there even when we can't feel it because we are still capable of doing these things for each other. we have this knowledge of each other that keeps us here, its like that "you look different but you feel the same" kinda thing. that even if you don't know it immediately, i know we still have our connection. and i think you are right that it was completely unexpected the way things went but,
they went. for some reason you sat there and you asked me. because it was impulsive, but an impulse you took that you've never taken before for the last however over a year. ok now i might be getting beyond myself. i guess all i'm trying to say is that whether we think the chemistry is there or not i believe it is or we wouldn't be able to still be able to do these things like know how the other person is feeling and be able to say the right things all the time or do the right things that just make us wonder. wonder how it could be possible that this person exists and happens to be standing in front of me.
"now that i'm here, baby, show me a good time."
today i asked myself what i would do if you ever read this blog. i guess when i really think about it i don't think i would care. i wouldn't care because a lot of this is all just me getting everything off my chest so i can get it out of my head. and if it hurts to read some of it of course i'm sorry that it hurts because i never want to hurt you, but it was just the way i was feeling at the time. i know some needs explanation. but at the same time i don't think i'd have to worry about any of that anyways because i really don't think the moment would come when you would read any of this.
i guess i'm just hoping you have an epiphany about us that shows you clearly what i've seen. it was like a dream that explained all of my questions. in a way that i might not be able to relay so clearly back, but enough to make me think, this could be totally real.
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