its gonna be a riot

it feels so good. like waking up from a coma. i've been so blah for too long it feels good to feel my normal happy self again. i know she's going to http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=2575309976694782108be happy to hear all about it. it feels so good to be happy again feeling like i can finally take anything that's thrown at me because i'm going to come back from it. i was numb for a while there and i know she knew but not really anybody else did. but that's okay because now that it's over i can forget all about it.

so happy to get my first interview opportunity. i don't even care if i don't get the internship as long as i get the experience of being interviewed. and this would be an incredible opportunity. it feels like it would be a great start. wouldn't hurt to give it a try but i'm hoping. always hoping, but trying to make things happen.

so spontaneity has been lucky for me. i like it and it was nice just to sit there and chill especially since it gave me this amazing idea for a birthday present but we'll see if i can swing it cuz it might be a little tricky. but i'll see what i can do.

its ironic the way his words played so well to my insecurities. luckily for myself my confidence/optimism/hope/whatever adjective can be used, can easily reason out my insecurities. he pointed out the things i had my doubts in. like maybe i do want to be with him more than he wants to be with me. maybe he is ashamed of our relationship. maybe i should've let him leave when he wanted to leave because maybe he still doesn't want to be with me. but then i realized i don't care. i sincerely don't care. i don't care if he puts it out there on facebook. i don't care if he mentions me in twitter. because that's high school drama kinda shit. and i know that i hear from him every day. i know that he tries to see me when he can and tries to make more time for me when he can. i know that when we're together everything is fun and chill. i know that he gets scared of these feelings sometimes because he doesn't want to get hurt, but i also know he cares about me. i know he has feelings for me. and i know he knows that we've got something here if given the chance.

so when i hear the pessimistic banter of an outside view that doesn't know what its like to see it from the inside, i know i don't care. because my man knows me and i know my man. and isn't that all that really matters? because i still get nervous when i'm right about to see him. i get really happy when i'm around him. i feel special when i know he's thinking about me. and i feel completely comfortable when he's wrapping himself around me. the laughs, the fun, the smiles, the jokes makes all the other negative just go away. because i'm happy i can be there to listen to him when he's down or exhausted. and that we are perfectly content in the company of each other.

it was exactly what i needed. a concert always seems to jumpstart me when i'm down or just plain out of it. and this one did the trick and now i'm just excited for the next ones to come and do the same things so i can keep this feeling going for a while cuz the next couple of weeks are definitely going to be pretty crazy but i'm ready for it. time to take hold and lets go!

so sue me for being genuinely happy, optimistic, and grateful for the people in my life and things i've done for myself. being dissatisfied with yourself has nothing to do with me. and nothing will ever change if you don't change it!

cause everyone can see i'm a lady, got my mind made up.