you got it

keep asking myself if i'm real on this? i tripped over my own thoughts today without really realizing. that i kiss him and i feel something. something i've been afraid of for some time. and its hitting me all over again except i'm starting to believe this time i'm not so scared. here's to hoping this time is the one that sticks because these feelings get more real every day and trying to keep them in check is almost impossible.

today he said something to me. pointless nothings that make me believe this man has no idea what he's doing. at the same time i have no patience for nonsense. this whole thing is just nonsense and i keep thinking back to the kids topic and wondering if i would ever be able to see it differently. i would but i would stick to keeping them far away from him. he won't ever change and i know he won't and it doesn't make me sad but only aware of the situation. i don't want him to get the best of me anymore and he never will again. after this. after this moment. things will forever be changed and it doesn't break my heart. not anymore. i wish there are parts i could erase of things he has said and things he has done to make me feel the insecurities. but what is done is done. and i will move on. i will just move on without him.

i'm sitting there next to him and he's asking me all these questions and when i give my answer he says "there's no money in this". at first i took it in, but i know me. my real reply is "maybe not for you". i've made it a goal to succeed in my life and i will. there's no doubt in my mind about that. i'm going to make it some how. and these politics are revealing and questionable but i'm always going to stick vote for myself because i know no matter what i'm going to find a way to get where i want to be. i don't have to compromise anything for that. especially for the things i love. i know what it's like to lose everything and keep going to achieve my dreams. even when all signs were negative. even when everyone said i would lose. this is how i go about things because i depend on myself. and until the day that fades i'm going to keep doing right by me.