And you're trying to find a revelation

Some kind of resolution


We landed back home after a week of being so far away from everything. He was there waiting for us. Waiting for me. And the expression on his face only told me he couldn't wait much longer. He dropped her off at his place and then took me home. He stood me on the sidewalk as he explained my birthday present. To my surprise it was a root beer that I had been looking for for five years. My favorite one I couldn't find anywhere. And he found it along with four other cases of root beer. He walked me home with bags of root beer to fill my refrigerator. He told me to unpack and take a shower while he went to get us food.

We laid there taking as you revealed your history. I gave you some insight into mine. I felt it necessary to explain why I'm so standoffish to him. Why it might seem like I'm so cold. Why I am not quick to respond to the emotions because my heart has been evokes so many times in the exact same way.

He pulled me closer to him and kissed my shoulder till he reached my face. At first I thought I felt something. It was there deep down hiding but it went away so quickly I almost thought I had been fooled. He brings it out of me so gradually because I realize how much I want his attention. He kissed me like he wanted me and I got caught up in the lust of it all. In the midst of the scent of flesh I had to stop him. I didn't trust it. I didn't trust myself in it. And I had to pull away because there was an insecurity there. He didn't complain or object but only kissed me more and said he would go.

Everyone I told about him tells me how sweet he is. How much of a keeper he is. And the fact that he's a triathelete with his amazing photoshopped looking body has to make me want him. But with all those things I still find myself making baby steps. And she understands. She told me it makes total sense why I proceed with caution.

And he's there whispering in my ear with all his youth and longing. The other one that wants everything about me. He can't stop telling me how much he wants me. How he wants to marry me. How he can't stop thinking about me and he's falling for me all over again. Because that story is on repeat from last year. And the fact I know what kind of guy he is I dropped him and he found her and still is attached to her. They tell me not to ruin what I have with prince charming for the piped piper and I won't. Because there are childish truth behind his youthful lies. And he can try to woo me in as many ways as he sees fit but at the end of the day, he doesn't have a fighting chance.

So I keep my eyes open because I don't know of im willing to myself through any of it. Because I don't know how much I want the prince in his Adonis looking body standing in front of me despite all of his perfections.