i can make right now alright

I'm trying to make something right. or at least trying to do something right. i haven't really decided where i fall yet. but i think something is going right hahaha. the funny thing is that i actually laugh whenever i say that. people usually think i'm crazy when i do it especially when i'm reading texts, but i've never really been one to care if people think i'm crazy or not. its not like i talk about myself in the 3rd person and respond. so i'm sure for now i'm safe. anyways....

i couldn't help but feel something for her knowing that so many would pull out on a very important day. i'm just happy i could be there with them to show her she is important especially on that day. its kind of what friends do. or at least what i believe they should. it means a lot that he would come all this way to do that with me espcially after finding out what was going on. its interesting the way that is. it really is a first for me. many of those in my past would rather shoot themselves in the foot then go out with me and my friends. and they mostly stayed in and my friends ending up hating them for it. i understand hate is a strong word but ask any of them about those guys and they will have plenty of mean things to say. i don't really blame them because no one i've been with has ever made a real effort to get to know my friends or at least spend time with them. its kind of nice to see things going differently this time, mainly because my friends are a big part of me. they've pulled me through a lot. especially the bff. I honestly don't know where i would be these past 5 years without her. i've never shared half the stuff i've shared with her with anyone else. until now.

it almost threw me off that i would let all that out so quickly and really not even thinking about it. just letting all the words out that i don't like saying outloud even to myself. but i was scared to. usually that's my biggest thing is being afraid of pushing someone away. and that kind of information can do that. but it wasn't even like that. and that's definitely something i can truly appreciate. it was like finally finding someone else that can somewhat relate on certain levels of myself that most people can't because, i'll admit, it gets a little crazy. i've definitely learned how to keep the crazy to a minimum in myself but mainly because my life is already too occupied with it. but im just glad it finally makes sense to not let it get to me. i don't sweat the small things and i haven't for a very long time. i guess as he's always told me, "its hard to be right in a room full of wrong."

there's still a whole lot more to learn and im trying to patient. i really am. i'm the least patient person besides my father which is where i get it from in the first place. but its really hard for me not to get frustruated when i want you to just talk about things and you won't, but the crazy thing is that i don't. the me i'm used to would definitely be frustruated with it but i'm not. i think its because i realize more now than ever before that i can't rush someone who is discovering how to really open up for the first time. bombarding with a million questions isn't really the way to go about it as far as i can tell. anyone will talk about something when they want to. whether you try to rush them or not, but pressure is kind of a bitch way to go about it. no one gains anything from being pressured into doing something they necessarily don't want to. i've definitely always tried my best to be the most understanding person i can and because of that i am able to just listen. and to be quite honest, there's a kind of comfort in just being able to listen. for the first timein a long time i can sit and just talk about something with someone whether it be personal or about something insignificant, its just nice to feel so free to do so.

so...let's make some magic.