i'm the one who really loves you baby

This is what I have so far. I don't even know the order this is just how I'm writing it right now:

From beginning to end its been me
And I keep thinking every time
If love was enough
I would be on your mind

Let's pretend for a moment you loved me
That it was a want, a need, a be
That these feelings were more than words
And you would see what I'm always waiting (trying?) for
The way these emotions are always moving me forward

Let's get away to the point it matters
When it was more than just love letters
Give me a better and I'll show you the best
I'll give you reasons to let go of the rest

But by then you'll only think of me in summer
Remembering the sound of my voice and the scent of my body
Because you always thought it was hello
When I always knew it was good bye.

Yah that's all I have so far. I haven't written in a long time that wasn't me just writing random thoughts. I still need punctuation I know. Reading all this stuff about love, truth, deception, persuasion and seduction was a great inspiration. These renaissance poets wrote about love in a way that is completely timeless. but it makes it hard for me to read because sometimes its a love i really wish i had. some of them write about how much they love someone and its love i sometimes wish i knew was real but i'm starting to realize that it might just not matter anymore. you can only hope for something for so long. i'll still have my faith. but my hope is drifting.

"too many times i've been wrong. i guess being right takes too long. i'm done waiting. there's nothing left to do but to give all i have to you."

what is the alternative? i just keep living my life the way it is working for the best and having faith it will show up for me. because either way my world is not going to come to a crashing halt because you never wanted to be in it. it sounds so awful to say out loud but its true isn't it? well. isn't it? there is something in me that someone is going to see and want nothing more than exactly what i am. and when that person comes to turn my world upside down i'm going to let it fall into place and not worry about the rest because when it comes to love the rest shouldn't matter. the rest of it should just not matter and even though its scary as hell i'd rather fall than let the fear keep me from something so wonderful.

he reminded me that it's the same day as his birthday and i could feel the tears building up. and i had to stop myself because i didn't want him to see how much it still hurts me. how every time i think about how that day is coming up i almost crumble to pieces because i'm feeling all the emotions again like i'm reliving everything all over again. the horror of it all. i know it needed to happen and there was nothing i could do to stop it. but its just one of those experiences that stuck with him that i can't shake. and now that its been almost a year and that day is creeping its way towards me i feel it tearing me apart every chance it gets. and i don't want him to know because i don't think he'll understand. he'll just tell me to get over it but that's where i hit a wall because i just don't know how to.