disney revisited

I know its super cheesy but here it is. I went to disneyland today for the first time in a while. and the last time i was there i was with him. It was a lot harder than i thought it would. i guess because disneyland has always been my place. i've never had to worry about anyone ruining it for me. not to say that it was ruined for me when i went. its just that i've never felt this way being there before. i was happy to be there of course but it was so much different. like it had changed in some way. the first ride we went to was toy story and of course we're waiting in line and all i could think of was him singing that selena song. i caught myself smiling remembering all of it like it was a flashback. that's how all of the memories came back to haunt me again like i was living them all over again. it was hard trying to hide it. because we went to disneyland after and we're walking through the front gate and i remembered the first time we hung out there and i met him up in the front and how nervous i was. space mountain when we had eaten all that korean bbq and the funny picture we took. the front of mainstreet where we took that picture on his birthday. pirates and the time we got scared watching that lady walk through the ride when we were on it by ourselves. haunted mansion. Matterhorn when we watched the fireworks from the ride. everything. even buying a new mug that i don't have and remembering the one he bought me that ironically said "celebrate romance" the last time we were there together. but the hardest part of all was the fireworks. watching the fireworks. i wanted him standing there holding me again. in my head i want him to feel what i'm feeling. but i don't think i would want anyone to feel what i'm feeling. so this might all be cheesy but these are our memories. and some of my most cherished and fondest memories with him. if this love didn't run so deep i wouldn't feel these wounds so much.