speechless

there's a lot i guess i could say. i could be angry. i could hate you. i could be sad. i could be a hell of a lot right now. but i'm still sitting here like, "damn, did this really just happen? did i really just lose my best friend?"

and that's really all i could say. he says you did me a favor. she says she knew i saw it coming. that i didn't deserve you to happen to me. that might be all true. but i hope when you think of me you see everything in the right light. that i would've always supported you. that i never gave up on you even when you gave up on yourself. i'm so used to hoping for something. but this time its like my hope died. i think i finally hit the point of indifference because....

i don't know what to think. something feels wrong and yet something feels not so wrong. i can't say right. because i don't want to. but i'm in the middle of the transition. and i'm indifferent...if that's a good or a bad thing. i'm sure i have yet to know. because right now. i really am speechless. without a thought. that's new. and it's weird. but i guess its to be expected after always trying for someone who never/couldn't try for me. inspiration to aspiration to exhaustion and i'm just too damn tired.