breaking it up

Every day has been filled with so much here and there. Getting everything ready and trying to fit in as much as i can. I just now realize im taking half of my things with me when i leave next week. Then its all going to start really becoming a reality. They tell me how much they're going to miss me and it breaks my heart as im constantly trying to make time for everyone. This is going to be a process of torn feelings. Between wanting to be in california and knowing i have to leave to new york. But i have an utter faith that it will all work out for the best.

I walk through his door and he grabs my arm and pulls me into what i've been wanting. He takes charge. I came prepared and ready to make it interesting. It was definitely that. He gives me so much but every time i leave i find myslelf dropping a piece of me behind. We talk and he starts to open up a little more and i realize he does the same thing. But now its enough for me to back off. Its the safe way. This is bad. But too good not to enjoy.

They took me out last night. I had no intetion of anything or for anything but to dance. To dance my heart out. We were all so into it and it made me realize how much im going to miss this. We were enjoying ourselves and i saw him staring at me. She moved me closer to him. Touch my are and pulled me close. We were dancing and i could feel how amazing his body is through his shirt. He asked me for my number and texted me then and there. He was cute and nice and all i could think was everyone telling me to have as much fun as i could in the next 2 months. Then he texts me the next day and i find myself asking myself, "why not?"

Im finally really feeling the anger and in all honesty it feels a lot better than being numb. Because the anger i can get over. Itmight take a little while but i can do it. I know i can.

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