is it just everything

I get frustrated that she is doing this. to be here and try to be here instead of somewhere else so that i can spend time with her and to have her shut herself away. she doesn't accept that in three months this will be over. and i will be gone. only to see me on occasional visits. she picks meaningless fights over favors i'm to do for her. it has me exhausted now that both of them aren't speaking to me over their own issues. he's too prideful to acknowledge my existence. she asks me if i will talk to him before i leave, but its too late and there's no point at this time. i know he won't say anything unless he wants to continue to tell me i'm such a mistake in his eyes. its better to not say anything at all and just leave it all alone. so that is exactly what i plan to do. i guess he'll talk to me on his own time. but i can't make an effort anymore and if that's the horse she wants to hitch her wagon to then i won't stop her. she's only making a foolish mistake. and will ultimately lose me in return. it sucks but i know i'll survive. its probably for the best anyways.

today i started cleaning out everything. choosing between the things i need and don't need. what i want and what i don't want. its a pretty therapeutic process. because most of this will be gone. i'm taking a good chunk of it with me at the end of this month. but now some of it is in big black bags just waiting to be hauled away. and its only a matter of time. and every day it gets closer the more i want it to be now. i need it to be now.