changes

All these buckets of rain, you can't forget about it, you say I never tried. I am a gentleman, didn't I answer every time that you call, pick you up when you fall, but you never listen at all. You were just always talking about changing. Guess what? I am the same man.

So I went and I saw. I saw my new apartment and the "village" i'll be living in. it's amazing and i love it so much. i can't wait to finally be there and doing everything. i honestly just can't wait. she told me she has a friend she's going to find out if i can stay at his apartment in the city. she saves me all the time i'm so grateful for my adoptive parents. without them i don't know where i would be. they have helped me so much and support me so much in everything i do.

I was so grateful that i got to see her graduate. well the first one at least. i know i'll be there for the second one. but at least i could be there for both. it was really great to see her that happy to be there and doing it and how proud she was of where she's come and to get to show us around. i was so proud of her. i'm glad we've got to see each other through these times in our lives. i'm glad i've been able to be there for her. and in less then 75 days we'll get to start another chapter that has us going on to the most important part of us growing up. at least i know i have her there to help me.

I was so happy to get to see them. to get to make future plans for the summer because i'm going to be so close to them. i'm just excited that all of this is happening for me. nothing could keep me from leaving. To get to have that love and support and make something so amazing happen for myself. finally to do something for me instead of always keeping so many others in sight. always trying to take care of everyone else instead of myself. he hit me with some truths that were painful to hear. but good for both of us to talk through. I had started the conversation by telling him about the pain and anger my heart had been going through lately. how much i was starting to be so angry at him for leaving me because i was starting to get all of these memories. all of these memories just kept coming back. but the worst part about it, is that they are all good memories. i have no bad memories. but its so hard and its so painful and it makes me so angry because it just reminds me that we were happy. i was capable of making him happy and i was happy. and he didn't try for that. he just let it go. But that's when he looked me straight in the eye and told me you weren't ready for us and you never would be and i had to just let it go. i needed to just let it go. and i broke down and cried and he cried with me and told me that i'm going to be something amazing and i've done so many things for myself and that i have to make this move because i should make this move. its going to be the greatest thing for me. and i know this is true but once he looked me in my eye and said that, it was like it all came true. it all took shape. i have to really let go. and i think i have because when i got back on that plane, i didn't want to leave. i wanted to stay there. i wanted to start my life there already. and i will. brand new.

leave the hurt behind.