just for now

because i am a broken house.

for the next month and a half. i will continue to be a broken house. i might be acting like i've lost my mind. i might be irrational. i might be overly emotional. in fact i might just be a crazy bitch. but honestly its all because of what happened and what i had to go through. the next month will be the hardest for me. its a thing i go through. about this time every year. i should apologize now and usually i do. but its ok to be needy i think. i can't help it right now. and although i try to convince myself that its all me and its all in my head. it doesn't erase this feeling i have in my heart that physically inflicts pain. so for now i will be the me i don't want anyone to know. and in fact i'll do my best for no one to know. i will fill my days doing what i do, having fun, or at least trying to. with a big smile on my face. because no one needs to know this pain.

its mine. no one else's. so its my burden to bare. i'm sure i'll do it just fine like i always have. i guess its better than being numb.